Zuck. You are killing us with that Puli thing.

Zuck – what the heck were you thinking? You got a dog that is not on The Breedfreak Master Breed List?

Ok, I get it, Obama comes and dotes on you, you have like 3/4 billion people using your service, you get to run around in hoodies at business meetings, and because of all of that you somehow you think you can tame a Hungarian beast called a Puli.

Breedfreak prediction: Hubris has gotten the best of you and that dog is going to get the best of you too.  The problem is that we need you Zuck. We need you to keep Facebook fresh. We cannot have you messing about with this Puli and we cannot have that dog get the best of you.

There is a reason that you don’t see Puli’s at the dog park. Actually, there are loads of them. They run around like little hellions doing their hellion Hungarian herding thing by chasing things that move (kids, little dogs) and making a nuisance of themselves.  While they are terrorizing the place (and they will be terrorizing the place because you are off playing with your new video chat features and not exercising your little ball of dreads) they will have all sorts of mess clinging to their dreadlocks and when it drags it’s nasty saliva filled beard over the other dogs at the dog park (and across your legs at the kitchen table) the other dog owners will be grumbling. Granted they won’t say anything because you are Zuck and you can make them a social outcast but they will be grumbling at you nonetheless.

You also have to realize that you are a celebrity. People look up to you and want to be like you. Even I own a green and a black hoodie now. What happens if they follow your lead and get a Puli of their own?  They wont have the funds to hire a live in dog trainer/nanny to take care of them and exercise them and replace the house when it is torn to shreds.  Zuck, buddy, think of your downstream actions. People are followers and want to be in the “in” crowd. You knew this when you created Facebook and you know that is why Facebook is successful. You have a responsibility to your fans to like breeds that they can handle. The dog shelters will be over run with Puli’s and it will be your fault.

While we have you, we really want to ask you a question. Why did you get a Puli anyway? Is it because of the dreads? If so, we expected more of you. Every college stoner, at one time or another, sits around their dorm room pulling tubes saying “dude we should get a dog with dreads.” That is not unique. Dreads are not a good reason to get a dog. Dreads smell and require loads of grooming.

Zuck, we cannot have you grooming and exercising this dog. We need you to be out improving Facebook so we can stalk people we don’t know, and put little hearts up when we are in relationships, and remember birthdays of people we do not care about, and then thank everyone for birthday wishes even though they do not care about us.  If Facebook tanks and we need to move all of our life over to Google+ we are blaming it on this Puli decision. We really hope they make a migration tool.

Next time, please buy the book and let us help you make a better decision.

Buy the book you silly little freak